En-insomnia

Nietzsche missed the point about night before daybreak. The most craziest thing happens at night. Last night, in a hostel in Poland, a group of southern French men come back from god knows how many bars, and started drinking again outside the balcony in the hostel.

It was around four in the morning. Next to the balcony are two persons who were also staying in the hostel. The french animals (I have to de-capitalize this country here) were drinking and drinking, like a barrel with an ass whole pierced through its bottom, filling and leaking some yellowish liquid at the same time. One of the two persons was me. I began to hear someone repeating some french phrase aloud, without realizing that they are ruining others' sleep as well as their own beautiful language. 'Fuck you!' I said. My friend, who slept near me, couldn't bear the noise and went out. I thought she is going to kill the bunch of animals but she went out with a toilet flush. After the pee, she seemed fine and went back to sleep (later she told me she didn't sleep for the whole night.).

My eyes kept open and my head spinning. The yelling went on. Once I thought they were going to stop and get some sleep, the fucking fat frenchman started pouring out those idiotic phrases again. French cannot be more hateful than that. I don't want to generalize my hatred against a person onto a country. I know that i only hated that fat excessive Rebalaisian carnival animal. To be specific, I hated his inconsiderate behaviour. Yes, out of drunkeness. The man would not have behave like that had he not drunk so much. I hate not the man but the gestures.

'I will splash a glass of freezing water over his fucking head and say 'fuck you' to him in front of his friends.' The idea to revenge keeps spinning in my head. Yet the more i spin with the 'evil' thought i more difficult i get back to sleep. The next second I thought: 'I will be as calm as a pond in a Chinese garden regardless of the incomprehensible yelling.' The thought to kill the man and to seal myself up were both justified and returning in my mind. I realized I will not have the courage to really say 'fuck you' and perhaps I will feel regret of being rude to the others. And I also realize the man is not 'guilty' of his 'sin'. But all the same, I still want to say 'fuck you' to him, splash water over his head, show justice and superiority to this strange fellow, whom I will never meet again in my life.

I tried to picture a tranquil pond in the garden. But my heart is still very untamed. I couldn't achieve the Buddhist world as 'sum yue chi sui'. I want to kill, annihilate, negate, criticize - i am a nihilist. But who is not one? People either negate themselves or the others - they find pleasures in both cases.

It's daybreak and I can't go back to sleep. Perhaps the bulky french man has gone back to his room and now enjoying his hangover. The Olympics goes on forever on the tv screen; the front desk staff lying on the couch, two girls has just check-in; the Continental breakfast is about to be served. With me there is Nietzsche's Daybreak, a bottle of water called Kropla Beskidu, and a pair of heavy and sour eyes. My hatred has subsided into something like residue - the residue you create in a coffee-making machine. All the distilled conffee powder is then wrapped with a piece of filter paper - it is still coffee power but all the intensity has gone.

Perhaps I should make a coffee for myself regardless of the recurring fever and stomach gas (the sleepless night will add more flavour to my stout physique). After all day belongs to the clear-minded; only night can accommodate my rhapsody.

Another five people has checked in. I will move on (out) as well.       

13/8
Kracow